Is Your Bed Keeping You Awake? (Find The Eight Episode #4)

Does this ever happen?  

You're tired and so you get into bed, but then once you get into bed, all of a sudden you feel more alert, your mind gets really active, and then you can't sleep for hours. 

If this sounds familiar, your bed might be the problem.

WHY YOUR BED MIGHT BE THE PROBLEM 

Because of a history of spending a lot of time awake in bed, either because of sleep problems or because you spend a lot of time in your bed doing other things, your body and mind may have become trained to associate being in your bed with being alert and awake, making it not only harder to fall asleep, but also harder to have a good quality sleep.

This is like how you can start to associate a certain food with feeling sick. If you've had an experience where you felt really ill or you vomited after eating this food.

I had this for years with avocado, something that I normally love. For years, I would immediately feel queasy if I saw or smelled avocado because I'd been so sick after eating too much sushi.

Similarly, your bed can be queuing up this physical response of alertness and sometimes tension and anxiety.

This is a really powerful factor that drives sleep problems, but most people aren't aware of it.

WHY TEENS ARE PARTICULARLY PRONE TO THIS PROBLEM

As a teen, it's particularly common to spend a lot of time awake in bed, because bed is a place where you're comfortable and where you have privacy.

Often, there just isn't realistically anywhere else that you can be.

And virtual school during the pandemic has made it so much worse.

Take a second and just think about how many hours you spend awake in your bed in a typical day.

If it's more than an hour or two, your bed might be a powerful reason that is keeping you awake.

The good news is that you can train yourself so that bed actually cues a state of being sleepy and calm. You do this by cutting down on your time awake in bed and really only reserving the time that you spend in your bed for nighttime and for when you're really on the edge of sleep or when you're sleeping.

To do this consistently to see a difference, you need another place to go and it's critical that the spot is just as comfortable as your bed.

Otherwise, you're really likely to just default back to using your bed, especially when you're tired, overwhelmed, or just wanting to do what feels familiar.

So here are 5 steps to setting up the spot.

STEP #1: FIND A PLACE IN YOUR ROOM FOR THIS COMFY SPOT

Place a comfortable lounge chair, a beanbag chair, a pile of cushions or pillows, or a small second mattress in this spot. 

Don't choose your desk chair. It's just not uncomfortable enough to choose it over your bed.  

I'm also asked if it should be in the room. In adults, I might suggest that the spot be outside of the room because sometimes the entire room it can become associated with not being able to sleep. In teens, I generally suggest that this spot be in the room so that you can have privacy.

It also helps that the spot is really easy to access from your bed because it's much more likely that you'll use it. Having said that, sometimes I've seen people use a spare bedroom or a bedroom of a sibling who's no longer living at home and that can work too.  

A common problem is that there just isn't enough space in your room. So you can clear out a corner in your closet and tuck some pillows or cushions in there. You can consider keeping the second mattress under your bed and pulling it out during the day when you need it.

It is better, though, if the spot can be permanently set up so that there's just less of that resistance in the moment to get out of your bed.

As a very last resort, you can also set up the other side of your bed as a distinct spot from where you sleep. It's not as ideal, but it might make enough of a difference.

STEP #2: ADD THINGS TO MAKE THE SPOT MORE COMFORTABLE AND APPEALING  

Keep a blanket, a cozy sweater or housecoat slippers, art supplies, a book you like, a notebook and a pen, really whatever is going to make it more comfortable and more likely that you'll actually go to the spot.

STEP #3: MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A DIM LIGHT SOURCE SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON BRIGHTER OVERHEAD LIGHTS

Consider purchasing an amber tinted reading light or a light bulb for a side lamp that emits less of that harmful blue light for sleep.

As much as possible, cut down on light in the few hours before sleep, as well as overnight.

We'll talk about this in more detail in this article. Or you can listen to the podcast episode here.

STEP #4: TRY OUT THE SPOT AND MAKE IMPROVEMENTS

I know this sounds really obvious, but it's so common to run into problems if the initial spot just isn't that comfortable, appealing, or accessible.

The bed then just becomes the default again.

The first version of the spot will probably need to be tweaked.

You don't want to have to force yourself into the spot. The goal is at the spot is just so comfortable that you're just naturally going to want to use it.