Setting Sleep Goals And The Rested Version Of Your Life (Find The Eight Episode #12)

One of the first things I do when I meet with anyone who struggles with their sleep is to get them to define what good sleep would actually look like and how their life would be different if they were sleeping that way. Without a sense of where you’re going and why, it’s really hard to just start sleeping better.

So today, we’re first going to define two goals: your ideal sleep and your good enough sleep.

HOW TO FIGURE OUT YOUR IDEAL SLEEP GOAL

First, determine the earliest time you have to wake up throughout the week.  

Then determine how many hours of sleep you think you need to be at your best.

Most teens need ~9-9.5 hours but normal can range between 8-10.  

Next, do the math.  

What time would you need to be asleep in order to get that amount of sleep? 

If you have to wake up for 7AM for school and you need 9 hours of sleep to be at your best, that means a bedtime of 10PM and a wind-down time of 9PM. And this is why teens are so set up for sleep deprivation and sleep issues.

Not only is it next to impossible to get everything done by 9PM, you probably want some freedom to enjoy your evening after being in school all day and doing what everyone else wants you to be doing. And your clock probably is not going to be ready for sleep at 10PM anyways.

In the teen years, the goal is not perfection. Unless you don’t have to wake up as early—like if you can take off your first period as a spare—this type of schedule is not realistic or sustainable.

What is doable is aiming for an amount of sleep that will allow you to function and will keep you from being sucked into that vicious cycle where you get massively sleep deprived on weekdays and then catch up on sleep on by sleeping in and napping or start reducing your activities or start relying on things like more caffeine for a quick boost of energy. All of this stuff then fuels more difficulties getting enough sleep and then you get more and more stuck in this pattern.

So what is good enough sleep?

Decide on the amount of sleep do you generally need to function. You may not feel amazing but you can concentrate, you’re not falling asleep in class and you generally are going about your daily activities.

For most teens, this may be around 7 hours minimum.

So, with this new number, figure out the time to sleep on the weekdays.

If your wake-up time is 7AM, and you think 7 hours is good enough, then you would aim to be asleep by 12AM and this would mean a wind-down of 11PM.

But we haven’t talked about the weekends yet.  

Let’s say, you sleep in until 11am on weekends. Based on the 14-hour rule, this means you’re not going to be able to sleep until 1AM at the earliest on Sunday night. And if you’re sleeping until 11AM on weekends, your clock may drift later so that your body isn’t ready for sleep until 2AM. Then you’re set up for to get sucked back into that vicious cycle of being unable to sleep on weekdays, feeling exhausted, and then having to catch up.

So for weekend sleep, cut off when you wake up no more than 2 hours after you wake up on the weekdays to avoid this problem.

So maybe you’ve landed on something like this for good enough sleep:  

Aiming for 7 hours sleep between 12AM-7AM on weekdays and 9 hours sleep between 12 and 9AM on weekends. No naps. And having enough of a buffer/wind-down to get to sleep by that time.

Still seem totally unappealing or unrealistic? 

Even good enough sleep is really hard at this age.

You might be thinking "There’s no way with all the homework I have" or "That’s just too regimented. I want more freedom" or "I don’t want to miss out on what’s going on if I go to bed so early."

Now, because our minds love to pick out the problems and then immediately dismiss options we don’t think are realistic, take a moment to imagine that this good enough sleep was possible.

What would life be like?

How would you feel differently?

How would you operate differently?

Because you may not know because it’s just so common to be chronically sleep deprived all through the teen years, let me tell you what others have told me after they’ve been able to get their sleep on track.

I'm told things like--

“I’m surprised by just how much better I feel.”

“Mornings are way easier and I’m no longer late all of the time."

"I can actually focus so can learn and retain things. I’m so much less stressed out because I’m not constantly having to play catch up. I can get my work done so much faster, I’m not procrastinating as much, and I don’t feel like I have to take a break every few minutes to check my phone or go eat something to boost my energy. So I actually have time to relax. Going to bed is way less stressful because I know I can actually fall asleep.”

“I’ve noticed I’m stronger and I”m not getting sick as often. I don’t have bags under my eyes all of the time anymore.” 

“I'm not as cranky. I feel less down and anxious and I’m better able to cope with stress. I make better decisions and can problem-solve better."

“I feel less out of it all the time. I can actually engage with people I care about. I’m more social because I don’t just feel like being in my bed all the time.”

“I’m fighting less with my parents. They trust me more so are giving me more freedom.” 

“Overall, I just feel more in control and feel like I'm a better version of myself.”

So now it's your turn.

ACTION:

THE ALTERNATIVE, RESTED VERSION OF YOUR LIFE

Write out what this alternative version of your life would look like.

It’s interesting what you’ll come up with if you actually put pen to paper and block off the time to do it. I’d suggest setting a timer for 5 or 10 minutes.

As you do this, you’ll probably have thoughts like “This is impossible.” or “I won’t be able to sleep this way”. Don’t let those thoughts limit you and don’t edit yourself. No one else is going to see this. It’s just for you.

After you’re done, take a look at what you’ve written and circle the top three things that matter most to you—not your parents, teachers or friends—but why it’s important for you. This is your big three.  

If you want, copy those three things onto a post it note and put it up somewhere that you’ll see it frequently.

My second suggestion is to see for yourself.

Right now, the idea of making changes to your sleep may still just not seem worth it or it may seem impossible.

If this is the case, I’d suggest that you do a little experiment. Carve out and commit to 2 weeks of aiming for good enough or even ideal sleep and see how you feel and what your life looks. Do it with a friend to make it fun.

If, after the 2 weeks, the downsides still outweigh the upsides, then you can always go back to how you’re sleeping right now.

Or you may discover that good enough sleep was actually more doable than you thought and that the sacrifices and downsides are worth it.

This way, at least you’ll know what’s possible and that you’ve made an informed choice.

If you'd like a cheatsheet to help you define your ideal and good enough sleep goals as well as to help you brainstorm what the alternative, rested version of your life could look like, you can find it here.

If you’re curious to see what your life could look like if you were sleeping better but are not sure you can do it OR if you’ve tried to sleep better but are struggling to get traction, than you might find the next episode, Do You Need A Sleep Reset?, helpful.

NEXT EPISODE:

Do You Need A Sleep Reset?

LINKS:

• Recommended sleep times by age by Sleep Foundation